feeling more and more broken as the days go on.
wishing therapy wasn’t so expensive, I’d probably go, then.
Having a hard time feeling any sort of emotion, the only thing that feels right anymore is getting further and further away from people. It’s getting difficult to communicate, and if people try to, I just get upset really quickly and start freaking out and seek solace.
I’m pretty sure I have DP (depersonalization disorder) or just GAD (general anxiety disorder) and I’m relapsing back into it. Like I have been, for years.
The nightmares have been getting progressively worse. Had one last night that involved rape. It seems that any emotion that was taken out in everyday-life, is displaced into my dream-me, because I wake up feeling so much terror or rage that I literally feel sick to my stomach. A few nights ago, I dreamt up a fight with my brother that was so bad that when I woke up I was crying, felt like I was going to throw up and could not shake my completely imaginary rage with him until about 10 minutes after waking.
For the past year or two I’ve had really bad anxiety of fulfilling my mother’s wish of having kids, so she can have grandchildren; but on the flip-side… REALLY DON’T EVER WANT KIDS. Little gremlins. No thank you.
I had a nightmare last night that I unexpectedly became pregnant and was getting an abortion, and my mother, the entire time, flipping out. mreh.