i may, or may not, be applying to be a suicide girl in the next week or two.
i have become helplessly addicted to suicidegirls.com
since I’ve been drinking only one cup of coffee a day, I’ve been in a PHENOMENALLY better mood. I still get caffeine headaches every couple days, but it’s so worth it. They’ll probably go away soon, anyways.
and feeling significantly less bipolar-like lately. So das cool, my meds AREN’T turning me into a bipolar-crazy-person, it was just the coffee!
I think it’ll work out better this time (cutting back on coffee) .. for two reasons.
1. this is the first time I’ve tried it while not working at a cafe.
2. I just forgot. Fuck.
I’ve been getting much better sleep, too, so maybe my memory will start to come back. It’s really frustrating not being able to remember anything. Makes me feel like an old lady. Also, I’ve noticed that when I drink or smoke… basically, partake in any kind of mind-alterer, I forget nearly everything. Which is frightening. and, if I fall asleep, it’s nearly impossible to wake me up. It’s not like a black-out, but it’s hard to describe… so.
fucking around on tumblr too much before having to leave for work. again. & have to leave in five minutes. shit.
and there’s ice on the ground outside, apparently.
i need to get this fucking poison out of my head
today i made soup for lunch at work but i heated it too long and it was too hot but i was hungry so i tried to eat it anyways but then i burnt my mouth and then i was sad and i waited and i only got to eat maybe a quarter of it and i couldn’t even taste it cause i killed my tastebuds and then my break was over and i was still hungry BUT ALAS then I got a 15 minute break and drank all the coffeeeeee but now I’m not hungry and very hyper and well shit. now what?